Physics 101: Universal Laws of Senegal

In America I grew up in a world governed by certain universal laws: gravity, thermodynamics, relativity. Due to a ripple in the space-time continuum however, Sare Sara doesn’t follow these same laws of the universe. Had Newton been sitting under a Senegalese mango tree instead of his famed apple tree, my college physics class may have been significantly different. Here’s what I’ve discovered about Senegalese Physics…

Thermodynamics: A watched pot will still not boil, but here in Sare Sara a hot pot will also not burn. As a rule, Pulaar women can touch unbelievably hot objects without injury - teapot that leaves me with blistered welts is of no concern for my female house-mates.

Time: What time do you have by your watch? 10:56? That means it’s still 10. What time is the meeting going to start? 3? I’ll see you there at 4:30. Einstein may have theorized that space and time are relative, but we prove that every day in the village. This flexible notion of time can both work for me – it’s nearly impossible to be “late” – and against me, ask anyone what time an event is going to occur and the answer is either a quizzical stare or a random digit between 2 and Midi.

Aging: While time passes in the same manner in the rest of the world, here it acts differently for each person. This leads to the phenomenon of “age un-determinism.” It is universally impossible to determine how old someone is by looking at them. I could have sworn some women were in their late 20s, only to be told they’re 15. Others I would have said are not a day older than 40 will say they’re 65.

Sound: Senegalese air has a unique, and hitherto unstudied, property of sound amplification. Any noise made, no matter what distance away, can clearly be heard everywhere else. This property applies equally to late-night dance music, crying children and the soft “tsk tsk” clicking used to hail a taxi.

Acceleration: Luckily for Newton, he wasn’t sitting under the aforementioned mango tree. Had Isaac been hit on the noggin with a ripe Kolda mango he would have found himself in the emergency room with a skull fracture instead of the history books. Mango season is an exciting and delicious time here in Kolda, but it is also a dangerous one. Mangoes falling from 50 feet up can actually exceed their terminal velocity and violate previously proven laws of gravitational acceleration.

The Obvious: Matter can exist in a variety of states – gases, liquids, solids, plasma. Senegalese life could not continue without the constant acknowledgment of one –the state of the obvious. The first law of Senegalese physics reads “an event cannot occur, no matter how insignificant, unless it is commented upon and thus formally acknowledged.” Unless someone comments on the fact that you woke up, ate breakfast, left the house, returned to the house, took a shower, did work or went to sleep then these actions have not actually happened. If a tree falls in the forest and no one comments on it, it most certainly did not make a sound (and may not have fallen at all). All things obvious must be stated. Repeatedly.